Spiritual abuse - we don't hear too much on that subject. I have observed it and have been guilty of heaping a dose of spiritual abuse on people from time to time - with good intentions of course - but it's still spiritual abuse. Whether is exaggerating stories, shaming people into submission, using a text from scripture to slap people around, guilting people into showing up, or manipulating a situation to get results - I've done it. I'm not proud of it and the results are empty. I guard against it. Actually, one of the reasons I can spot it is because I am conscious of the evil behind spiritual abuse. I guard against behaving like a pharisee - extreme righteousness. Extreme righteousness is when holiness and righteousness is done in your strength. Holiness in our strength drives the desire to make people like you; not Jesus. I remind myself often that I am clay - talking to other clay about what the potter wants to do with us. I am clay.
I read a blog this morning on 10 Ways to Spot Spiritual Abuse. www.marydemuth.com. Check the article out but here's two that I see all too often:
Create a culture of fear and shame. Often, there is no grace for someone who fails to live up to the church’s or ministry’s expectation. And if someone steps outside of the often-unspoken rules, leaders shame them into compliance. Can’t admit failure but often searches out failure in others and uses that knowledge to hold others in fear and captivity. They often quote Scriptures about not touching God’s anointed or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics
Hold to outward performance but rejects authentic spirituality. Places burdens on followers to act a certain way, dress an acceptable way, and have an acceptable lifestyle.
What do you think? Do you think this is an issue? Struggle with this? How do you guard against it? Is discipleship or mentoring possible without a little spiritual abuse?
Eric, I appreciate your blog. I have experienced Spiritual Abuse . . . though not in the awful degree that many have.
ReplyDeleteI prayed. I stuffed my feelings, (for a long time) even when others voiced similar frustrations and concerns. I took a recess from our church, determined to go back with an open mind and heart. I attended different churches to see if it was "just me."
The worst effect for me was that I felt like I could "never" measure up. I ran out of church one morning -- I'm 62; running is a trick :-)
--angry and crying. If I can't please, mere man, I thought, I certainly can't please God!
Fortunately, I have a history with my God and time away from the abuse restored the wonderful intimacy I had known before. I still struggle worrying about people still being hurt inside the church.
I am most motivated by encouragement. Recognize something I'm doing right and I'll try to do it better; I was doing things the pastor asked but I wasn't "assigned" to do it. I tried to make our church a pleasant and warm place for people to want to come back to. In the end, I was accused of a spirit of Absalom, of causing division. Thanks again for your blog. LMW