Funk

I told someone recently that I have been in a funk for about a month.  I looked up the word funk and have to correct myself.  I’ve not been in a funk.  I’m wrong.  I have misused the word, I hope.  A funk is an awful odor or a type of music.  It can also mean failing because of fear but that is not the dominant definition.  So I stand corrected, I’ve not been in a funk. 

It doesn’t feel like depression.  The ‘to do’ list is long but I am not overwhelmed by it just not enough time to do what I know needs to be done.  Relationships are in tact – I feel like my time with God is not just an hour in the morning but I’m with him through the day – So, what is it?

Perhaps it is a fear.  Fear of inadequacy for the task that lies ahead.  Fear of not finding the right words to encourage a church.  Fear of saying the wrong words to a hurting pastor.  Fear of not being there for a friend who needs a hand.  Fear of watching a family member make a wrong decision. 

I did it – I talked my way through it and my friends, I am in a funk; look it up – failing because of fear and a foul odor (I have yet to shower this morning)

What is a man to do? “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”

I’m reminding myself that the world does not operate around me.  I am inadequate for the role that I play out in this divine plan but He is not.  He is all I need.  In my weakness He becomes strong.  In my fear, He can be my confidence. I must decrease so that He can increase.

My thoughts are straight and I’m getting ready for the day.  I’m turning on some music and going to hammer out the ‘to do’ list.  What kind of music?  Did I just hear someone say, “Play that funky music white boy!”

Vulnerability; Is It Worth It?

In the computer world vulnerability is a weakness to your system.  It is a point of entry for someone or something to attack.  In the emotional sense, vulnerability has a tremendous sense of risk and hurt as well.  So is it worth it?  I have met a number of people who would say, “absolutely not! I tried that once and it destroyed my family and I found myself unemployed.”

My experience is that vulnerability is worth it (most of the time).  To me, vulnerability is enlarging my capacity to connect with others.  It’s about being transparent with my thoughts and feelings.  Admittedly, that’s not easy for a lot of individuals for a number of reasons.  It doesn’t come natural to most people.  If you happen to come across someone that is excessive in vulnerability red flags immediately go up!  And should.

You might say I am a selective vulnerable person.  I know that if my relationships are going to be deepened it requires vulnerability. It requires in a real sense to show the weakness to my system.  My family knows those things – I have a few close friends that know enough things about me that they could easily attack me, spread juicy gossip or call me a ‘big baby’.  It’s strange however; those are the people that I feel safest around.

Is it worth it?  Yes; most of the time.  Vulnerability opens the risk of being hurt but the opposite is to have a firewall so high that nothing can penetrate it.  I’m not talking about a virus, I’m talking about people.  My life is rich because I risked vulnerability.

Do you think it’s worth it?